What lies behind the word stress
For many people, their relationship is the most precious thing in their life. When problems remain unresolved for a long time, they speak in consultations not only about the relationship, but also about how they felt mentally and physically during that period. With the title 'Illness and Unhappy Love', I am naming the theme of their account, not a separate diagnosis or a confirmed cause of illness.
During a consultation, I therefore also ask what was happening before the difficulties began. The answer 'I was stressed' is very general to me. For one person, stress means speaking in public; for another, a heavy workload or uncertainty in a relationship.
In my homeopathic approach, it is important to understand what the person is specifically experiencing. Even with similar physical difficulties, I may consider different remedies. A person's story, however, does not automatically establish that a relationship conflict caused a chronic illness.
When someone's heart is broken
The rose has long been associated with love. In homeopathic plant pictures, this theme also includes idealising a relationship, giving oneself entirely to a partner or expecting perfect love.
When listening to clients, I am interested in whether there is room for their own needs too. Some describe giving more than they receive and feeling empty after disappointment, as though their effort had been in vain. Such an account is not a basis for attributing heart disease, asthma or depression to a particular relationship pattern.
Plant pictures in homeopathic thinking
I use the following pictures to illustrate differences in how relationships are experienced. They belong to homeopathic thinking; they are neither a list of plants with proven effects on particular diagnoses nor a guide to self-treatment.
Quillaja saponaria: naivety and impulsiveness come to the fore in this picture. A person may enter a relationship enthusiastically without considering whether they and their partner are suited to each other.
Geum urbanum: the theme is complete adaptation to the partner. The person does not allow themselves to want anything for themselves, because they take devotion to the relationship for granted. A wish of their own may make them feel guilty.
Potentilla tormentilla: this picture illustrates indecision. A person may hesitate between two relationships or fear commitment, hoping to find someone more suitable later.
Sorbus domestica: doubts emerge when the partner is withdrawn. The person wonders whether they are truly loved and whether choosing the relationship was the right decision.
Alchemilla vulgaris: the theme is devotion, forgiveness and an effort to maintain harmony. A desire for perfection may accompany self-criticism and the feeling that one must try even harder.
Prunus spinosa: this picture involves pressure and a sense that no effort is good enough. The person gives themselves to the relationship, but the partner remains dissatisfied; irritation and sadness emerge in the account.
These differences remind me why I do not want to stop at the general label 'broken heart'. None of these pictures alone determines a diagnosis or guarantees a consultation's outcome.
Two stories, two forms of loss
Two cases from my practice, described in more detail in When Love Hurts, also illustrate this difference. The first client spoke of insomnia and depression following divorce and other life changes. The second was experiencing a long-standing relationship conflict she could not leave; her health difficulties included ovarian cysts.
In the first story, the experience of loss was central. In the second, it was more about exhaustion from an ongoing conflict. The linked article provides the detailed course of events, including the remedies recommended and the changes subsequently described.
Space for conversation and medical care
Sometimes several consultations are needed before someone can name what is troubling them. In the second case mentioned, it also took me longer to decide on a remedy. Patience and openness matter in conversation, but they do not guarantee a health outcome.
In consultations, I do not recommend excluding the medical treatment the client is receiving. Prescribed medicines or treatment recommended by a doctor should not be stopped or changed on one's own.