Behaviour for which parents seek help
More and more people come to me for homeopathic consultations seeking to address a psychological problem. After anxiety, behaviour is the most common concern. We often hear that today's children are completely different from previous generations. Whereas children used to be more compliant and easier to reach an agreement with, parents now often say they have 'a mind of their own', cannot be persuaded and respect no authority. Orders and prohibitions provoke even greater defiance in these children.
I describe the following three cases as experiences from my practice. The explanations are my homeopathic hypotheses, and the improvements reported are assessments of individual cases. Personal and family details have been generalised to protect the children's privacy.
Parenting
I also reflect on the role parenting may play. Many parents want to raise their children differently from the way they were raised. They do not want to be overly authoritarian or use the punishments, orders and prohibitions that were once common. They want a more respectful approach that considers the child's needs. This aim is certainly right. Yet we often see the baby thrown out with the bathwater. In trying to avoid authoritarian parenting altogether, parents have fallen into the opposite extreme and become submissive to the child. The child then becomes the authority over the parent. I see this reversal of roles in some consultations.
In my view of parenting, a young child usually senses that the parent has greater authority. That perception is, of course, appropriate and should not be distorted by misguided parenting. The parent should hold greater authority because they have far more responsibilities to fulfil. As children mature, I believe they need to learn that greater freedom goes hand in hand with fulfilling responsibilities. I see restrictions on freedom when agreed responsibilities are not met as a natural consequence of actions, rather than punishment. Everywhere in the world, people encounter rules they must follow if harmony is to be maintained. Why should parenting be different?
I believe that freedom without boundaries can do a child more harm than good. There is a risk of the child becoming spoiled and self-centred, growing up believing that meeting their own needs takes priority over meeting other people's. This sets them up for many disappointments when forming relationships.
Very often, however, we see a child whose upbringing is appropriate, yet whose behaviour remains extremely challenging for the family.
The cause always needs to be explored
Homeopathic treatment in these cases is not straightforward. In physical illness, a homeopath bases remedy selection on physical symptoms and the client's mental disposition. If the child is physically healthy, however, the homeopath must rely mainly on correctly assessing their mental disposition. There is therefore a greater risk that finding a suitable remedy will take longer. To illustrate: in the original text, I mention 87 homeopathic remedies considered within the homeopathic framework for outbursts of anger. During the consultation, I try to identify which remedy corresponds to the particular child's picture.
For this, I need to know the child's life story, because it is there that I look for possible connections. These might involve a difficult pregnancy, birth, parental divorce, arguments with friends, bullying at school, a relationship breakup or other traumatic experiences.
Physical characteristics, such as food preferences and aversions or the child's physical vitality, can also help a homeopath to some extent. In my practice, however, these factors play a minor role in selecting a suitable remedy. By contrast, what I often find most valuable is aetiology: what I consider a possible cause of the child's challenging behaviour within the case. To explore this, I ask the parent what was happening when the difficulties began.
Separation from the mother in early childhood
A mother came to see me with her school-age son. The boy tries to attract attention and establish his place in a group through aggressive behaviour. He often gets into fights. He cannot control his impulses. He needs to prove his superiority over others. He respects no authority. He dislikes orders and likes doing things himself. Difficulties also appeared at school. On the other hand, he could be caring towards others.
His mother confided that when he was younger, other responsibilities had prevented her from giving him enough attention. When talking to him, I felt he was trying at all costs to prove that he needed nobody. He was very closed off, but beneath it all I sensed insecurity.
My hypothesis was that he had experienced trauma from separation from his mother. Within this hypothesis, I considered homeopathic remedies prepared from mammalian milks. In the homeopathic system, I associate differences in a child's experience with different pictures of these remedies. For this boy, I chose a preparation from wolf's milk, known in homeopathy as Lac lupinum.
Afterwards, his mother reported a dramatic improvement in behaviour. He had calmed down, no longer had outbursts of anger, was more approachable and had begun studying and doing his homework. His mother rated the improvement in behaviour at 90 per cent. This is her personal assessment of changes in her own child.
Asperger's syndrome
A mother came to a consultation with her school-age son, who, according to her, had been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Talking with the boy was difficult. To most questions he answered that he did not know. His mother said he was intelligent but had challenging behaviour. He did not say please or thank you. He was very aggressive and screamed if his wishes were not met. At school he could not function with others. He needed an individual approach there. The other children's different pace upset him. He was very gifted in some areas. His mother described conflicts with other children from early childhood. He liked ordering them around and became very angry when they did not obey. He had anger attacks at least once a day. He had intense conflicts with his sibling.
The boy's strong resistance to authority, his narrowly focused abilities and his personal history led me to the homeopathic remedy Artemisia absinthium, which I recommended.
At a subsequent review, his mother said he had stopped quarrelling with his sibling. He could say thank you, greet people and ask his parents politely. He could wait. His daily anger attacks had decreased very substantially. He no longer stamped his feet or screamed. His teacher had noticed he was calmer. His mother rated the improvement in behaviour at 70 per cent. This is her personal assessment; I am not describing a change in or cure of the diagnosis.
A need for attention and strong emotional reactions
Another client was a little girl whose parents described her behaviour as very challenging. She was highly explosive and extremely stubborn. If she did not get what she wanted, she began screaming, dug in her heels and could not be persuaded. This had continued for several years. In anger and agitation, she could hit her parents. She was very competitive and had to be first at everything. She loved movement, which calmed her. Her mother described caring for her as exhausting. She was very sensitive to shouting and noise. Her mother described very strong emotional reactions.
This behaviour began after a sibling was born.
If a child feels they are not receiving enough attention and responds with strong emotional reactions in an effort to attract it, I give serious consideration to remedies from spiders. Within this homeopathic picture, I particularly consider Tarentula, which I also recommended to this girl.
At a subsequent review, her mother described a marked improvement in behaviour. She said the girl was more reasonable and calmer. She could now be persuaded and was less stubborn.
A gift that takes time
At a superficial glance, all these children may seem alike, with similar behaviour. Readers often call after reading one of my articles and ask where they can obtain the remedy I wrote about. They feel that they or someone close to them match the description exactly. Of course I answer their question, but I do not infer from similarity to the case described that the remedy will help them. Where they see similarities, a trained homeopath sees many differences. That is why I emphasise appropriate education in homeopathic practice.
In two of the cases above, I selected the right remedy only on the fourth or fifth attempt. I see the changes I describe in my practice as small miracles. Finding a suitable remedy, however, may require considerable patience; waiting alone does not guarantee an outcome. Homeopathy can be a blessing and a gift for many. But a great gift often requires humble patience; it cannot be forced by haste.